Ezekiel and the Dalai Lama

It happens to me all the time.
I forget.
And then it happens again.
I set out with eagerness to read the whole, entire Bible.
I love Genesis, greet it with enthusiasm!
slug through Exodus' double details of the tabernacle
put up with Leviticus and Numbers
And then I get into the rhythm of it
Some days I love, LOVE it!!
Then I hit Ezekiel.
Ezekiel!
What kind of crazy guy is he?
He rails at everyone
and has the most bizarre behavior.
beyond bizarre actually.
and we revere him
because he spoke the truth.
He seems a little crazy to me.
I think the Israelites thought so too.

Nobody paid much attention to him or the other prophets in their day.
Most people don't read or listen to them now.
I skim the pages,
then skim the chapter headings.
Obedience compels me.
I'm a minister after all.
Reading the Bible is what I should be doing.
But I hate reading most of Ezekiel.
Every time it's where I bog down
and feel more resentment than joy
when I pick up the Good Book.

I've been in rebellion nearly a week now.
The other night I was surfing the net looking for film reviews.
The Broussats are offtering another online course
40 days, 40 meditations with the Dalai Lama,
$24.95
Hmmm, I thought. Why not?
So I punched in my charge card numbers and began to read.
first it was introductions,
then setting our intention
I've already forgotten what mine was.
And then came the first day's exercise - 10 quotes.
Choose the one that jumps out at you.
This is it -
"Even if one has no religion, everyone appreciates kindness and compassion."
And so I promised to practice kindness that day
Then it was smiling at everyone.
Then letting go of anger and anxiety - like feathers, he said!
Today the practice is listening.

I can't dialogue with them anymore.
For some reason the site no longer accepts my posts
So this blog will have to do instead.

The interesting thing is how much I look forward to it
this Buddhist teaching that comes to my inbox
how much it is bringing me life
and making a difference in my day.

Ezekiel doesn't do that for me.
He makes me feel worse
inadequate
like I deserve every rotten thing that has ever happened to me.
I don't want to listen to him today.
The Dalai Lama invites me to practice faith with gentleness.
Ezekiel doesn't.
He leaves me cold.

I know now why people leave churches.
If they are like me, they are longing for gentleness,
compassion and kindness,
some help in seeing holiness in their lives.
We argue and pontificate
and tell them what they should be doing in no uncertain terms.
Mission!
Mission!
Mission!
Take care of the world!
It's all our fault that it's broken!
We have to fix it now!
Now!

God's Spirit is changing me.
It is changing the church.
Can we not change the world one heart at a time?
Beginning with me, with you,
loving each other
and practicing gentleness, kindness and compassion
These are after all the fruits of the Holy Spirit,
the evidence that the Christ life has taken hold.
Can we not move from that centered place
and not an angry, disconnected space within us?

Help me
to stay true to you in the unfurling of my soul
and the uprooting of my stodgy moorings.