Darkness

I hit the wall on Thursday. There was not a piece of life left within me or so it felt. There was no profound thought for a sermon, no encouraging word for anyone, especially myself, not even a smidgeon of joy. I spent the day in darkness. My mood reflected the weather outside – dark and dreary with nary a patch of blue sky anywhere. I lived the entire day without accomplishing anything of substance. Realizing that I had eaten wheat the day before and that it had caused my despair did nothing to alleviate it.

Sometime in the early morning hours of Friday I saw in my mind’s eye a scene of Jesus on the cross, dying for the sins of the world. We don’t focus much on the suffering Christ as Protestants. We are anxious to move onto the resurrection and victory. Bring on the joy! The darkness has ended! Christ has risen! Shout Alleluia!!

But in the darkness and despair of that early Friday morning I focused on Jesus, hanging on that cross, dying that we might have life. He had come to the end of himself – stuck up there by the worst humanity had to offer, completely and totally vulnerable, laid bare for the taunts of passersby. Only God could change his situation for the better. Of course we know that God did.

Somehow looking at Jesus at the end of himself and knowing that God raised him from the dead, I knew deeply within me that God would also raise me who had come to the end of myself. I placed myself in God’s hands. As the morning light dawned, my spirit began to come alive again. Hope was born. Christ began to arise within me once more. I’m ready to sing alleluias today.

I am learning to be grateful for the gift of darkness when it enters my life, and it does whenever I eat sugar and flour. Knowing sorrow and despair gives me a far greater appreciation of joy when it arises. A friend of mine who suffered from chronic, debilitating pain and spent much time in darkness used to tell me that lilies grow in the valley of darkness, but one must walk there in order to see them. The promise of course is that God is with us in the midst of darkness and will use every situation of our lives for good.

Too often in church we show up on Palm Sunday, sing hosannas and wave palm branches, then return the next Sunday and sing “Jesus Christ Has Risen Today.” We miss the full experience of Easter when we do that. Don’t be afraid of the dark! When we embrace it and walk through it we shall find Easter joy - outrageous joy and the promise of life everlasting.