My morning Scripture reading was Luke 9:12-17, the story where Jesus was confronted with 5000 hungry people and told his disciples to feed them. This is my response ss I entered the story:
"You give them something to eat."
Me?
Are you talking to me?
If you are, you're talkin' crazy talk.
I can't.
I don't have the resources.
I think it's impossible.
You're a crazyman, Jesus.
crazy.
certifiable.
crazy!
I might as well put on a tutu and dance for the crowd.
Your request is that preposterous.
Don't you know what you're asking?
Do you not understand?
5 tiny loaves will barely feed my family
much less 5000.
"I'm not crazy.
Put on that tutu and dance.
Give them something to eat."
There's a line in the sand now.
I see it prety clear.
I hear Martin Luther King in my head.
"You don't have to see the future to take the first step."
or something like that.
Do I believe God will honor that first step?
Can I find the courage within my scaredy cat self
to make some little movement beyond selfishness today?
That's really the issue.
I don't have to change the world.
I just have to take the first step.
I put on my tutu and dance.
Monday, January 21, 2013
Thursday, January 10, 2013
Jesus and the Movies
My Iphone alerted me that the Oscar nominations are out.
I raced to the computer to find them
still wearing my nightgown
with sleep in my eyes.
What greeted me were pictures of Jesus
one by one flashing on the screen
leftovers from sermons I gave long ago.
Now settled back in my chair with Oscar knowledge
Jesus' face comes to me -
the ugly one that scholars say is probably the most accurate
a favorite with loving eyes and a shawl on his head.
Jesus
maligned by so many
always touches my heart.
every single time.
"Come to me," he says.
I see his face.
I sense his presence.
I settle in to that.
My day will be different now.
Who cares about the Oscars anyway
and why should we?
What does that have to do with God?
An Oscar nomination pegs great art.
Good art touches the heart
and moves us through whatever form it takes.
It brings us closer to God
reflects God's ways and ours
and helps us to see ourselves.
What touches us and makes us cry
is the place where we need to do emotional and spiritual work.
Movies to me are a special form of God's grace
sacramental sometimes.
All human stories have spiritual themes
whether they are real life
or imagined through a clever writer
and captured on film.
In dark times of my life
when I have felt alone and frightened
when Scripture lay lifeless on the page
a movie has led me back to God.
If I could see grace operating in a character's life
I could begin to believe
that grace would enter mine.
I don't criticize movies too often.
Mostly I go with an open heart
asking God to come to me
and help me see how God is at work.
Even in vile films there are slices of grace
just like real life.
I look for them.
They lead me back to Scripture
and link to my own life.
I'm behind in movie going this season.
Soon I'll catch up.
Now to find a movie going buddy
and a group in which to talk things over.
I raced to the computer to find them
still wearing my nightgown
with sleep in my eyes.
What greeted me were pictures of Jesus
one by one flashing on the screen
leftovers from sermons I gave long ago.
Now settled back in my chair with Oscar knowledge
Jesus' face comes to me -
the ugly one that scholars say is probably the most accurate
a favorite with loving eyes and a shawl on his head.
Jesus
maligned by so many
always touches my heart.
every single time.
"Come to me," he says.
I see his face.
I sense his presence.
I settle in to that.
My day will be different now.
Who cares about the Oscars anyway
and why should we?
What does that have to do with God?
An Oscar nomination pegs great art.
Good art touches the heart
and moves us through whatever form it takes.
It brings us closer to God
reflects God's ways and ours
and helps us to see ourselves.
What touches us and makes us cry
is the place where we need to do emotional and spiritual work.
Movies to me are a special form of God's grace
sacramental sometimes.
All human stories have spiritual themes
whether they are real life
or imagined through a clever writer
and captured on film.
In dark times of my life
when I have felt alone and frightened
when Scripture lay lifeless on the page
a movie has led me back to God.
If I could see grace operating in a character's life
I could begin to believe
that grace would enter mine.
I don't criticize movies too often.
Mostly I go with an open heart
asking God to come to me
and help me see how God is at work.
Even in vile films there are slices of grace
just like real life.
I look for them.
They lead me back to Scripture
and link to my own life.
I'm behind in movie going this season.
Soon I'll catch up.
Now to find a movie going buddy
and a group in which to talk things over.
Sunday, January 6, 2013
Limbo Land
Limbo land.
I live in limbo land.
Finding a church home is difficult once you've been ordained.
I don't seem to fit well in my home church.
I cannot go back to the one I left.
It's too soon.
It might hurt their process.
They can't move into the future if they're still holding on to the past.
Neither can I.
I was a pretty powerful presence there.
Last night I dreamed that Kathy Bryant came to visit me.
She's a Lucia friend, another minister.
I took her to see my old church
although it was now located in a valley with a mountain view.
The halls were empty but Belinda was there.
She gave me a smile and a hug.
The Hispanic pastor and his wife smiled and waved.
We walked down empty hallways
until we foound a large classroom full of people singing.
There was so much joy in that room!
Kathy went in to see it, leaving me outside.
She marveled at their enthusiasm and sense of God's presence.
I quietly stood outside eating the cornbread
I had stuffed in my pocket.
I realized I had been holding my church back with my need to control.
Now the lid was off.
They were flourishing - so much better without me
but also because of me.
I left without speaking to anyone
and ate my cornbread,
offering a choice slice of it to Kathy
as we entered the future together.
At some point God will lead me out of Limbo Land.
For now, most days, I am content to lollygag my way through it.
Maybe I should make some cornbread.
It might help my process.
I live in limbo land.
Finding a church home is difficult once you've been ordained.
I don't seem to fit well in my home church.
I cannot go back to the one I left.
It's too soon.
It might hurt their process.
They can't move into the future if they're still holding on to the past.
Neither can I.
I was a pretty powerful presence there.
Last night I dreamed that Kathy Bryant came to visit me.
She's a Lucia friend, another minister.
I took her to see my old church
although it was now located in a valley with a mountain view.
The halls were empty but Belinda was there.
She gave me a smile and a hug.
The Hispanic pastor and his wife smiled and waved.
We walked down empty hallways
until we foound a large classroom full of people singing.
There was so much joy in that room!
Kathy went in to see it, leaving me outside.
She marveled at their enthusiasm and sense of God's presence.
I quietly stood outside eating the cornbread
I had stuffed in my pocket.
I realized I had been holding my church back with my need to control.
Now the lid was off.
They were flourishing - so much better without me
but also because of me.
I left without speaking to anyone
and ate my cornbread,
offering a choice slice of it to Kathy
as we entered the future together.
At some point God will lead me out of Limbo Land.
For now, most days, I am content to lollygag my way through it.
Maybe I should make some cornbread.
It might help my process.
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