Easter Memories

I awakened this morning with gratitude
full and blessed
to be a part of this wonderful world
in love with Christ
and all the people in it.

I always worry a little on Good Friday.
That day is dark
lifeless.
Depression stalks me.
The grief becomes overwhelming
every
single
year.
I birth an Easter sermon
in the midst of the gloom.

It is hard to write about Easter joy
when I am still in the tomb with Jesus.
I fret.
I judge myself harshly.
I worry.
And then along comes Easter morning.

When we drove into the parking lot
surprise lilies lined the pathway to church.
One bloomed in an old tree stump
and a white cross proclaimed
"He Is Risen!"
for all the world to see.

Inside came all the flowers
along with the great Easter hymns
as we filled the cross and the pews.
People who normally can't or don't come
made an effort to be here.
Extended families sat together.
There were lots of babies.

We sang.
I preached.
Tyler sang with the big voice.
God was glorified
and my spirit came alive again.

And now today
this first new day after Easter
I am grateful
profoundly grateful
and the world seems alive with possibility
as I tackle my cluttered house.

What a differnce a day makes!
May Easter hope arise within us all
and may our lives trumpet fresh new life.

Lazarus

dark
lonely
flat
despairing
and then suddenly
a seed within me
begins to grow.

i turn.
the warmth of the light
beckons me.
the seed is hope.
i feel it rising within.
its beauty permeates my hardened crust.

possibility and light
compassion and grace
lure me forward.

i stand
bound and vulnerable
as the community
loosens my graveclothes.

i enter the joy of easter
again
and again
and reach to share it with others.

Jesus Feeding the 5000

hungry people
no McDonald's in sight.
give them something to eat.
what?
with what?
i am small
inadequate for such a hard task.

give them something to eat.
i can't.
it's not about you.
it's about me.

can you trust?
can you dare to step forward?
can you try?
can you depend upon me and not yourself for once?
will you?

you cannot control me
or anything else.
you need only let go
of fear
embarrassment
and shame.
stand tall as my vessel
and see the glory of God.

ok.
I surrender.
again.
it's in your hands.
can we start with the sermon?

My retreat word - gratitude

Never enough is often my mantra
not enough intelligence
or beauty
creativity
or of what it takes to be a leader.
never enough.
Whatever it is,
it is never enough
when it applies to myself anyway.

So here comes this reminder
neatly typed on a little yellow card.
What if I exchanged the phrase "not enough"
for grateful?
grateful I am as smart as I am
grateful I have a sort of beauty
grateful for my creativity
grateful that I am a leader and that others see that in me.
I am enough for whatever comes my way
and for that I am grateful.

Somehow,
writing that,
I feel better about myself -
grateful to be who I am,
where I am at this period of my life.

Gratitude opens up possibility.
Not enough shuts it all down.
I choose to move to the open space.
That you, God, for the insight.
Gratitude is akin to wonder.

The New Labyrinth

I sat on the bench with my sunflower mug
drinking coffee at the dawn of the day.
Friom a distance Sydney spotted me -
Sydney, the Australian sheep dog that lives at our farm.
She came bounding through the grass and trees to greet me.

Dogs have always been a God symbol for me
reminding me of God's unconditional love.
When people fail me,
dogs never do.

So here comes Sydney
like the father in the prodigal son story in the Bible
prancing
dancing
smiling in her way
running and
THRILLED to see me in the early part of this Saturday morning.

We walk the labyrinth together
this God symbol and me.
She's right beside me.
I am never far from her.
Sometimes she lies on the path and forces me to deal with her
then she's off and running
sometimes ahead
sometimes beside
sometimes wallowing on her back in delight
that I have included her in what feels like play.

What a lovely reminder of God's presence this morning
the God who runs to greet me
and delights to walk beside me.

Sydney is off to other things now
inviting me to join her in joy somewhere else.

I linger
savoring the delight we shared
and looking forward to this brand new day.

Don't take yourself so seriously, God whispers.
Lighten up.
Prance a little.
Come play with me.

overworked

I've been a little whiny lately
overwhelmed
burned out
sleep deprived
carrying the world on my shoulders.
again.

Wednesday I met a man on an airplane.
He was Catholic.
Roman Catholic.
His priest works hard he says.
too hard.
mass every morning of the week
mass on Saturday night
four masses on Sunday
funerals
weddings
baptisms
first communions
et cetera
et cetera
for thousands of people!

Ye gads!

My little call pales in comparison.
moving into gratitude now
at long last.