Advent

Fall finally comes
signaling the branches that it is time to let go.
They detach easily
gently
gracefully
preparing themselves for God's new season.
God asks me where I too must let go
to prepare for the next season of life.

Repentance doesn't involve remorse and wailing usually.
It can be gently shedding all that prevents
God's new thing from being born.

I ponder fall's lesson from the trees
as I prepare my heart for the coming of the Christ child.

The Statue

He stands there
offering his hand in blessing
with rays of love and light streaming from his heart.
Mostly I ignore him
so eager am I to begin my day.

Too much of my life is spent on auto pilot
crossing tasks off my to do list
daydreaming
lolly gagging (my favorite!)
thinking, thinking
fretting.

Jesus stands there in the midst of it
mouthing the words
Come to me, you who are harried and helpless.
Come to me.
Receive my blessing.
Receive my strength.
I drive by mindlessly
my head filled with all manner of things.

How often I ignore God's presence surrounding me
beckoning me
offering help
speaking words of wisdom and blessing.
I am so caught up in the need to be productive
and relevant
that I forget to notice.

This week was different.
I saw him standing there, all 10 feet of him.
I received the blessing.
I think it helped.
I blew kisses as I headed south into my day.

The New Med

Sometimes in the night my legs get restless and want to dance.
No! I scream inside myself
I'm tired!
Let's just go to sleep!
But they keep up their begging
relentlessly
until I am finally out of bed and on my feet.

It's annoying
really annoying
to go through life without much sleep.
It causes all manner of poor behavior the next day.

So yesterday I discussed this with my pretty teenaged doctor
or she looks like a teenager anyway.
Take a pill, she said.
It will make a difference.
She wrote out a prescription.

It made a difference all right!
Nausea
crippling fatigue
insomnia
drowsiness going on for 17 hours now.

Why is the cure worse than the disease?
I'd rather be dancing through the night.

My Sabbath Day

relaxed
lazy
limp
riding the waves
carried gently away
far from the shore
floating
weightless
held by a force greater than I

I am content
not to think
or plan
or worry
just to be today
as I am
in all my glorious sloth.

I am open
ready to receive
whatever you have for me.

Blow gently, my love
lest I topple over.

10A and My Church

I was used to the pastor meetings on the subject of gay ordination
quiet, calm, respectful.
so I brought the issue to my church.

There's a difference between dialogue and debate.
Debate seeks to persuade another.
It's closed to other opinions.
It's more interested in championing a point of view.

Dialogue involves listening to another.
It seeks to understand
and to find common ground.

I thought we would have a dialogue last Wednesday night.
I was wrong.
Gay ordination is a subject of debate in my little congregation.
Some people may leave the PCUSA over it.
Here's why they tell me:

We've strayed too far from the clear mandates of Scripture.
From now on General Assembly will force this down our throats.
There's no such thing as a monogamous gay.
We are encouraging sexual experimentation.

My son is gay, an elder told us.
He is the kindest, most gentle man you will ever meet.
He would make a fine elder.
And from others -
Every gay person I have ever known is kind and loving.
There is no difference. We are all God's children.
My gay friends are too scared to come to church.
A gay minister has spoken in this church and been well received
even though no one knew he was gay.

We are not of one mind on this issue.
We are divided within our congregation
as we are within the Presbytery
as we are within the entire PCUSA.

It's time to breathe
really breathe
the life giving flow of the Holy Spirit.
We dare not move forward
wherever forward is
without taking deep breaths
really deep breaths.

In life and in death we belong to God
In our struggles and fights we belong to God.
In our good times and tension filled times
God will never let us go.
I cling to that
as I take another deep breath.

Visual Prayer for Mother's Day

This morning I held my two little creations before me.
They are both visual prayers
cut from black card stock
and magazines.
One is liturgical
all purple with bright yellow spashes
a prayer for Easter to bloom in my heart.

The other is the bliss of mother love
mutual love
between a mother tiger and her cub.

missing my mom today
missing my son and daughter
and the times we held each other close.

asking God to hold me today
in strong mother love
and Easter joy
as we birth
yet another sermon.

Easter Memories

I awakened this morning with gratitude
full and blessed
to be a part of this wonderful world
in love with Christ
and all the people in it.

I always worry a little on Good Friday.
That day is dark
lifeless.
Depression stalks me.
The grief becomes overwhelming
every
single
year.
I birth an Easter sermon
in the midst of the gloom.

It is hard to write about Easter joy
when I am still in the tomb with Jesus.
I fret.
I judge myself harshly.
I worry.
And then along comes Easter morning.

When we drove into the parking lot
surprise lilies lined the pathway to church.
One bloomed in an old tree stump
and a white cross proclaimed
"He Is Risen!"
for all the world to see.

Inside came all the flowers
along with the great Easter hymns
as we filled the cross and the pews.
People who normally can't or don't come
made an effort to be here.
Extended families sat together.
There were lots of babies.

We sang.
I preached.
Tyler sang with the big voice.
God was glorified
and my spirit came alive again.

And now today
this first new day after Easter
I am grateful
profoundly grateful
and the world seems alive with possibility
as I tackle my cluttered house.

What a differnce a day makes!
May Easter hope arise within us all
and may our lives trumpet fresh new life.

Lazarus

dark
lonely
flat
despairing
and then suddenly
a seed within me
begins to grow.

i turn.
the warmth of the light
beckons me.
the seed is hope.
i feel it rising within.
its beauty permeates my hardened crust.

possibility and light
compassion and grace
lure me forward.

i stand
bound and vulnerable
as the community
loosens my graveclothes.

i enter the joy of easter
again
and again
and reach to share it with others.

Jesus Feeding the 5000

hungry people
no McDonald's in sight.
give them something to eat.
what?
with what?
i am small
inadequate for such a hard task.

give them something to eat.
i can't.
it's not about you.
it's about me.

can you trust?
can you dare to step forward?
can you try?
can you depend upon me and not yourself for once?
will you?

you cannot control me
or anything else.
you need only let go
of fear
embarrassment
and shame.
stand tall as my vessel
and see the glory of God.

ok.
I surrender.
again.
it's in your hands.
can we start with the sermon?

My retreat word - gratitude

Never enough is often my mantra
not enough intelligence
or beauty
creativity
or of what it takes to be a leader.
never enough.
Whatever it is,
it is never enough
when it applies to myself anyway.

So here comes this reminder
neatly typed on a little yellow card.
What if I exchanged the phrase "not enough"
for grateful?
grateful I am as smart as I am
grateful I have a sort of beauty
grateful for my creativity
grateful that I am a leader and that others see that in me.
I am enough for whatever comes my way
and for that I am grateful.

Somehow,
writing that,
I feel better about myself -
grateful to be who I am,
where I am at this period of my life.

Gratitude opens up possibility.
Not enough shuts it all down.
I choose to move to the open space.
That you, God, for the insight.
Gratitude is akin to wonder.

The New Labyrinth

I sat on the bench with my sunflower mug
drinking coffee at the dawn of the day.
Friom a distance Sydney spotted me -
Sydney, the Australian sheep dog that lives at our farm.
She came bounding through the grass and trees to greet me.

Dogs have always been a God symbol for me
reminding me of God's unconditional love.
When people fail me,
dogs never do.

So here comes Sydney
like the father in the prodigal son story in the Bible
prancing
dancing
smiling in her way
running and
THRILLED to see me in the early part of this Saturday morning.

We walk the labyrinth together
this God symbol and me.
She's right beside me.
I am never far from her.
Sometimes she lies on the path and forces me to deal with her
then she's off and running
sometimes ahead
sometimes beside
sometimes wallowing on her back in delight
that I have included her in what feels like play.

What a lovely reminder of God's presence this morning
the God who runs to greet me
and delights to walk beside me.

Sydney is off to other things now
inviting me to join her in joy somewhere else.

I linger
savoring the delight we shared
and looking forward to this brand new day.

Don't take yourself so seriously, God whispers.
Lighten up.
Prance a little.
Come play with me.

overworked

I've been a little whiny lately
overwhelmed
burned out
sleep deprived
carrying the world on my shoulders.
again.

Wednesday I met a man on an airplane.
He was Catholic.
Roman Catholic.
His priest works hard he says.
too hard.
mass every morning of the week
mass on Saturday night
four masses on Sunday
funerals
weddings
baptisms
first communions
et cetera
et cetera
for thousands of people!

Ye gads!

My little call pales in comparison.
moving into gratitude now
at long last.

A Kairos Moment

At first I thought her an angel standing there
drop dead gorgeous
filled with light
radiant
smiling
like one of our American Olympic athletes.

She was bundled up.
It was freezing after all
the coldest night of the year.
The plants surrounding us had all been bedded down for the frigid night.

She brought Wednesday's supply of Victory Meals for Forrest and me.
It was far out of her way to do that
and after hours
since it was eight o'clock at night.
She came because of my mixup,
not hers.

I told her that nutrition guru Joan Ifland had saved my life.
Hers too apparently.
There, with our breath visible in the cold night air
she told me of her lifelong problem with severe allergies.
She was used to lots of medications
painful injections
a lifetime of feeling bad.

Now she's off all meds
feeling great
losing weight
a living testimony to the healing power of God's natural, unrefined food.

Part of the blessing of this Christian life is just these kairos moments
times when God sends an angel to help us on our path.
She brought practical help for me.
I will be able to stay on plan in a mine field of toxins today.
But she gave me something more -
a glimpse of our gracious God
who will go to any length to help us when we cry out
who gives us hope for the journey
who lovingly accompanies us on our path through life.
Truly we are surrounded by angels.
My heart overflows.